'Twas a 2020 Christmas
December 21, 2020
You have probably already heard or read some parodies, or adapted carols or stories for this strange holiday season. With apologies to Clement Clark Moore, who wrote A Visit From St. Nicolas in 1822, here's mine...
'Twas the night before Christmas, but because of Covid-19,
Everything was different. It was a bizarre scene.
The stockings were hung with care and with heart,
Just making sure they were six feet apart.
The children were nestled, but in their heads they were yearning
Not just for presents, but no distance learning.
With mom working remotely, and me unemployed
This holiday somehow still had to be enjoyed.
When outside the house there arose such a noise
I figured at first it was the neighborhood boys.
I flew to the window so I could see better
Afraid it might be some sort of super spreader.
Coronavirus cases continuing to grow
Gave a luster of worry to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should I see?
But a miniature sleigh, covered with P-P-E.
The driver looked different, but not weary or sick.
I figured at that moment it must be Saint Nick.
His sled led by reindeer, but it wasn't the same
Still he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
On Dasher! On Dancer! Each with proper spacing.
No Blitzen this year, though, due to contact tracing.
Afraid now of germs, not if he would fall
Now wash away!, wash away!, wash way all!
O'er many neighborhoods and towns the reindeer would fly
You could see them near midnight if you looked to the sky
They'd land on rooftops on houses of all types
With a sleigh full of toys, and sanitary wipes.
Then, on MY rooftop, with Saint Nick commanding,
The sleigh touched down—it was quite a nice landing.
But before I could finish my cleaning and get up there on top,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a plop.
He was dressed in green from his head all the way down.
Not a furry red suit, it was a medical gown!
A bundle of toys he had flung over his back
With plenty of Purel sticking out of his sack.
Outside it was cold. Inside he's still shivvery
But now, in my house, the inventor of contactless delivery!
His eyes—kinda bloodshot, but his cheeks were still rosy.
The rest of his face covered, which wasn't so cozy.
He knew what to do, but his annual ritual
Was different this year, with half of it virtual
He had a broad face and laughed with a bellow
And a tummy that shook like a bowl full of Jello.
He had his vaccines from both Moderna and Pfizer
But I laughed 'cause he was covered in hand sanitizer.
His beard was all white, but his face had turned red.
With a wink of his eye, though, I knew I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, not the slightest of greetings
But looked tired as hell from all those Zoom meetings
He did his work quickly, with no time to doze
Then with a nod, up the chimney he rose
Now back in his sleigh, to his team gave a shout,
Making extra sure this year, no one did without
And I heard him exclaim, as he continued on with his task,
“Merry Christmas to All! And please wear a mask!”
Above photo: John Malcovich, known for playing creepy characters, reading 'A Visit from St. Nicholas' to children on Saturday Night Live in 2008.
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