Football + Globes = Weird Sunday
January 13, 2014

It's not the normal Sunday. Two very meaningful football games followed by the red carpet and an awards show. Despite Amy Poehler welcoming women and gay men at home watching, straight guys watch the Golden Globe Awards, too, and not just to see how low-cut Amy Adams' gown was. I'm not the only male out there who likes sports and movies, but the thing was both events on Sunday were just ehhhh.

Let's take the day of events in chronological order, starting with the San Francisco 49ers at the Carolina Panthers. The Niners won 23-10, which was bad enough, but it wasn't even a good game. The officiating was horrible (both sides), the offense was horrible (both sides), and neither side showed any bit of class either. The game was chippy all day, and you had guys like San Francisco wide receiver Anquan Boldin mouthing off all game. Shut up and play. I have never liked the Niners, but now I have new-found disrespect for quarterback Colin Kaepernick. After scoring a touchdown early in the second half, he stole Carolina QB Cam Newton's move of pantomiming Clark Kent becoming Superman. Yes, it's even classless when Newton does it, but Kaepernick insulting the Carolina crowd takes it to a new level. NaVarro Bowman, who is having an excellent year defensively for the 49ers, also did the move when he sacked Newton. I was waiting for a brawl to break out, but football players don't do that for some reason, which I have to say is a good thing. A lousy start, but at least the game I really wanted to see was next.

If you want to see a winner with sportsmanship, class, and athletic talent on the top of charts, look no further than Denver's Peyton Manning. I was rooting for the San Diego Chargers to beat the Broncos, but I also wanted whichever team won that game to go on and win the Super Bowl. Denver prevailed 24-17, with nothing egotistical from Manning at all. One low note from that game came from the Chargers. Receiver Keenan Allen caught a touchdown pass, then reached back and pointed behind him, as if pointing at the name on his jersey. I'm sure several Broncos, and maybe even his teammates, pointed at the scoreboard to show Allen his team was losing. Players should be fined for doing stuff like that, but not by the league. It should come from their coaches. At least the game was good, and the Chargers kept it close. More football next week, but now time to change gears.

The Chargers-Broncos game ended at 4:57. Not nearly enough time to take a little break, and mentally prepare for the hilarity of the 71st Golden Globe Awards that was sure to follow at 5 o'clock. I taped the Globes, and delayed the start for about 15 minutes, so that I could rest a bit, and also fast-forward through the first few commercials.

No song and dance number from hosts Tina Fey and Poehler, but the two traded jabs at the A-list celebrities in attendance, and had the whole crowd right from the start. The biggest laugh was at the expense of the Gravity star (who apparently wasn't there). Fey called the film, “the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” Another great line was at the expense of Matt Damon (who was there). Poehler quipped, “Matt, on any other night in any other room you would be a big deal, but tonight, and don't take this the wrong way, you are basically a garbage person.” Fey and Poehler even poked fun at themselves, who were hosting for the second year in a row. Said Fey, “because this is Hollywood, and if something kinda works, they'll just keep doing it til everybody hates it.”

Unfortunately, the opening bit was the funniest part of the entire evening, but stranger things were yet to come. Jennifer Lawrence won the first award, and all was fine, but then Jacqueline Bisset won Supporting Actress for a television movie or mini-series. The 69 year-old, who we haven't seen since Class in 1983 with Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe, took forever to get to the stage. And when she did, she didn't have anything to say. She appeared nervous, and you felt bad for her at first, but after a weird ramble, with an expletive deleted, you just wanted her to fade away again. And that was just the beginning. She looked good, though.

Elizabeth Moss won the next award, and let out an “Oh shit” when she got on stage (voice censored of course). Diane Keaton would accept the Cecille B. DeMille Award for Woody Allen, but NBC had to delete her audio for several seconds, and we don't know what she said. And late in the broadcast, something seemed to have been cut out. It could have been my DVR, but after Fey made an introduction, saying “and now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio”, my screen went black, the audio cut out, and when it came back on, there was a shot of Martin Scorcese laughing and clapping. I still don't know what that was.

As the night wrapped up, things were even weirder, but maybe the strangest line of all came from Cate Blanchett after winning Best Movie Actress (presented by DiCaprio). I think she was trying to be funny, but I was wondering if the stars should be offended. As the music was playing and she was wrapping up, she thanked people for “plying her with vodka the way I'm sure Judy Garland was plied with barbituates.” A very strange night, and a strange awards show. Oh and by the way, the overnight ratings are the Globes' best in ten years. Go figure.

Movies: Odd that Gravity won for Best Director, and 12 Years A Slave took the Statue for Best Picture. That usually doesn't happen. I haven't seen anything this year, but I'm still surprised that Lee Daniels' The Butler wasn't nominated.

TV: A huge surprise that Andy Samberg's Brooklyn Nine Nine won Best Comedy. Samberg also won for Best Actor. Samberg got married recently, and thanked his wife, and the camera immediately cut to her at their table. Just a local note, but Joanna Newsom is from Nevada City.

“More T & A”: That was a note I scribbled to myself during the NBC telecast, but if that were to happen, I don't suppose the awards would remain on NBC. What I meant was, more Tina and Amy. After their opening segment, Fey and Poehler were only seen once again in the first hour, and briefly. They would have some funny segues in hours two and three.

Glitches: We never would have known this if the presenters themselves didn't tell us, but when Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie were out to introduce their movie, The Wolf of Wall Street, the wrong list of nominees were loaded in the teleprompter. Someone off camera handed them a sheet of paper so they could continue. Later, Drew Barrymore was sent on stage an award before she was supposed to. The audience laughed after Drew had an awkward pause, and Barrymore said “Shhh, I got sent out wrong, I'm sorry.” Otherwise we would have been none the wiser. I also thought the audio wasn't very good at the start of the show, but that was fixed quickly. I doubt the Golden Globes will win an Emmy.

Post Script: With Big Bang Theory and Modern Family combining to win nothing, this could be the first awards show I've ever watched where I haven't seen anything that was nominated. I guess that's why the show was so strange.

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