A Cyber War? Over a Stupid Movie?
December 22, 2014

So let me get this straight. I thought I was alone in this kind of thinking but David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, and Saturday Night Live seem to agree with me on this. President Barack Obama has vowed to get even with North Korea for hacking e-mails from a motion picture studio, exposing some of the executives and others as racist idiots, possibly letting a cat out of the bag as to who the next James Bond might be, and suppressing the release of a film that looked really stupid and a waste of time anyway? I wish all terrorist attacks were like this.

Watching CNN (with the sound down at work), they make it seem like this is the worst thing that has happened to the United States since the Boston Marathon bombing. Who's responsible? Is it China? Is it Google? Is it the Supreme Leader of North Korea himself? It's serious business. The President has vowed to get even. That's like a declaration of hacker war or something isn't it? You know what this is? It's hilarious.

Sony has bowed to the cyberhackers wishes, and will not release The Interview—a film where stooge reporters Seth Rogan (Superbad, Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin) and James Franco (Spring Breakers, Spider Man 1, 2, and 3) try to assassinate the leader of North Korea after being granted an interview. Mr. Kim apparently was not amused, called his buddies in China, who then decided to mess with Japan and Sony Pictures. This may or may not be the way it actually happened, but it's a much better storyline than some Seth Rogen movie.

Here's some other things those dastardly people known as the 'Guardians of Peace' have done by invading Sony's computer system. We know that CEO Michael Lynton makes $3 million a year. We also know where he lives, if we actually care. We now know that Rogen ($8.4 million) was paid more than Franco ($6.5 million). Because of the hackers, you can apparently download the recently-released remake Annie, and if that's not enough, a leaked e-mail from a Sony Executive said that Adam Sandler's movies were 'blah'. A Sony Pictures executive actually told a newspaper that employees were forced to do their jobs using a pen and paper! What is this world coming to?

I get it. If I were Sony, I would not be amused, but President Obama getting involved? This should never have been a story. It certainly isn't “cyber-terrorism', and no one got hurt. Kim Jung-Un is probably laughing his ass off right now, but so what? Let him. After all, as Mike Myers as Doctor Evil said in the Saturday Night Live open this weekend (you gotta see it), “the last time Sony had a hit was the WalkMan.”

Niners lose again: I was going to write about this instead, but in deference to my relatives and friends who are Forty-Niner fans, I'll just say this. I know San Francisco has lost four straight and won't make the playoffs, but the players didn't quit on their coach, they just got tired. San Diego defeated San Francisco this week 38-35 in overtime. Niner fans won't be able to see it this way, but if you were rooting for the other team, it was simply a great game.

Championship, eh?: I didn't watch it live—the game was played on November 30, but I had taped the Grey Cup game and watched it this weekend. The Grey Cup is awarded to the champion of the Canadian Football League. You may know the CFL has some different rules—three downs instead of four, a 110-yard field with a 25-yard end zone instead of 100 and 10, and the goal posts in Canada are on the goal line (like it was in college in the US a long time ago) instead of ten yards back. The Calgary Stampeders defeated the Hamilton Tiger Cats 20-16 after Hamilton's comeback fell short when a final-minute touchdown was negated by a penalty. There also wasn't a rouge (a single point scored when a missed field goal or punt is not returned out of the end zone) in the entire game.

How do you spell ugly? U-C-L-A: CBS college basketball broadcasters Verne Lundquist and Greg Anthony were at a loss for words during Kentucky's 83-44 decimation of UCLA Saturday in Chicago. The Bruins were down 24-0 before they scored, and also trailed 28-2, and 40-7 at halftime. Lundquist and Anthony couldn't come up with a comparison, but one flashed into my mind very quickly. In February of 1987, the Los Angeles Lakers built a 29-0 lead on the Sacramento Kings, and led after the first quarter by a score of 40-4. I wasn't there, but I was in the KFBK studios running the game, and playing the commercials. I heard Gary Gerould's every word.

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