Who Needs Ricky? Tina and Amy Rule the Globes
January 14, 2013

It's been in the back of my mind for a couple of years. I started thinking more about it recently, and last night, I came to the realization. I have come to terms with it. I'm ready to admit it publicly. It should be announced to the world. I'm in love with Tina Fey.

And why shouldn't I be? She's beautiful, she's glamorous (she does those L'oreal commercials, which is the definition of glamor, right?), she's very smart, talented, and of course, she's funny. She's perfect. There is the whole thing that she is married (oh yeah, THAT's the problem), or maybe its because she doesn't know I exist, and if she did, she'd probably get a restraining order or something. Don't wanna go there.

Well, if not Tina Fey, how about Amy Poehler? She is single after all, after splitting up with funny-but-weird Will Arnett last year (what happened there?). Poehler has all of the qualities Fey does, but without the hair commercials. Hey, I have a job now, that has to be worth something, right? Okay, I guess I should get back to reality here.

Fey and Poehler co-hosted the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards last night on NBC, and when I learned they were doing the show, I thought 'Why didn't someone think of that sooner?' Some of the zingers in their opening segment: “Ricky Gervais could not be here tonight because he's no longer technically in show business”, “We want to assure you that we have no intention of being edgy or offensive tonight, because, as Ricky learned the hard way, when you run afoul of Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times”.

Ben Affleck and his film Argo got this from Fey: “Ben's first two movies took place in Boston, but he moved this one to Iran because he wanted to film somewhere that was friendlier to outsiders”. Fey also added this about Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables: “I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were onstage with James Franco at the Oscars.” Poehler: Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu, and I hear she's amazing in it.

Tina: “The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress.” Amy: Ang Lee's been nominated for Best Director for The Life of Pi, which is what I'm going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off.” (The two high-five).

And the one that got the biggest gasp (and laughter) from the audience: (from Poehler) “Kathryn Bigelow nominated tonight. I haven't really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.”

Unfortunately, we did not see a lot of Fey or Poehler during the rest of the show, but they did show up as fake nominees in a couple of categories (cut to Poehler sitting in George Clooney's lap, or Fey dressed as a man in one of the Best Actor categories). Hard to believe in hundreds of previous awards shows, no one has done that.

It wouldn't be the Golden Globes without the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award, which this year was the creepiest ever. Jodie Foster was honored. It was bad enough that she was presented by weirdo Robert Downey Junior (I call him the Steve Howe of Cinema because of the several “second chances” he's gotten after drug problems), and that she was accompanied by antisemite Mel Gibson, but her speech was just strange. I watched it twice and I still couldn't figure it out. In between what sounded like rambling, she appeared to have blasted the media for lack of privacy, thanked her mother who may be alive or dead (not sure, although I think she is alive and they are estranged), and it also sounded like she announced her retirement. Foster is 50, but has been in the public eye since she was three.

As for the awards themselves, a couple of observations here. In a cool surprise, best-movie nominee Lincoln was introduced by former President Bill Clinton. It was snubbed in favor of Argo, and it will be interesting to see if that happens come Oscar time. Also, network television didn't win anything. Not even an award for Big Bang Theory or Modern Family, but at least we had two former Saturday Night Live alumni to guide us through the three hour excursion. For you awards show fans, next up, the Grammys.

Wild and Scenic Film Festival: Who knew, but Nevada City (population about 3000), has one of the most reputable film festivals in the country featuring a collection of movies about wildlife and conservation. The festival features 120 films (mostly shorts) in several venues around town. I saw some pretty good ones at the Nevada Theatre Friday night.

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